Blessed is the Mother
On Motherhood and Community
Happy Mother's Day!
I believe it’s today in many parts around the world. In Mexico, it’s always May 10, entonces feliz día a las mamis Mexicanas como la mia.
It’s a beautiful day for some, a day of grieving for others, and a day of longing for many. I’m lucky to still have my mami with me, but I grieve for the loss of her mother. No matter how you feel today, know that your feelings are valid and I hope you feel cared for today.
The definition of motherhood is:
The State of Being a Mother.
They say you enter that “hood” once you have your baby, but I’ve been reflecting on what it means to belong to the state of motherhood before the arrival of a baby. I have bared witness to a few pregnancies that have shown me that the journey leading to that moment, my own included, is part of motherhood too.
To me, the journey to motherhood begins when you decide you want to be a mother. As a modern millennial woman with modern millennial friends, many of us have waited until our 30s to have children. There are variations of regret and confidence in that choice as it has resulted in a tougher journey for many. Infertility, cancer, chronic illness are some example in just my small group of friends. By the time we hit 35, we get labeled geriatric, so we are told we are going to have a little more work to do to get there. There’s so much to think about and learn that it can feel overwhelming. From diets to acupuncture to vitamins! Alcohol free or does it really matter? Ovulation strips to track. Exercises to help. It’s a lot to process when you spent your whole life scared you were going to get accidentally pregnant at any given moment.
And through all of this, the importance of community continues to shine through for me.
I realized recently that if I want to have a life filled with children, including those of my friends, I have to be part of their journeys too. I have recently had the pleasure of showing friends that I want to be part of their journeys by holding two Blessingway Rituals. Last year, I co-hosted one for a friend of 12 years and this year I hosted one on my own for my best friend of 20 years.
What is a Blessingway Ritual you ask?
Unlike a baby shower, a Blessingway is about the mother. It’s a space to honor your personal relationship to your loved one who is pregnant with letters and mementos for them. It’s centered around acknowledging that they are about to enter motherhood and come out a little bit different, but as their community, we are letting them know we will be there with them every step of the way. And a chance to revel in some memories we’ve had along the way too.
Ceremonies are marked in many ways such as meditations, letters, gifts for labor or for fun, and a closing ceremony showcasing we will be with them through their labor and this next part of the journey. For the rituals I’ve been a part of, we’ve ended the ceremony with a candle lighting, where we share an intention that we have for our dear pregnant friend’s labor. A moment to pause and reset our intention as their community.
Now, at almost 35, I realize how little I may have been there for friends in the past throughout their pregnancies. How I wish I could have shown up for them and solidified in my relationship with them that I am their community and I want to be part of their journey. I hope they know that. I am here for it all.
What I do know is that I want a big life filled with little feet and toes, screaming kids, and to be the cool auntie/tia that they turn to for advice in their teens. In order to do that, I have to show up. I have to make sure my friends know I am their community and I am here for them every step of the way. In a time where motherhood feels fraught and frail in our country, community is what is needed most.
As for me and my motherhood journey, I turn to my Catholic foundation and the story of Mary and acknowledge that what will be, will be. Miracles happen. After all, the Pope is American now.
Happy Mother’s Day.